Thursday, February 10, 2011

Day 163

Warning: whiny, stressed, upset post ahead.  Maybe not a good post to read if you're not in the mood for a downer.

Writing this post is hard.  This is actually my third iteration of today's entry, because I've kept going back and deleting everything.

I figured out what bothers me the most about the issue I mentioned yesterday (aside from having to pay a ton of money to the IRS and Fairfax County).  It pushes our long-term goals back.  It only pushes the house back by a few months, which I'm not so worried about.  However, the baby is another matter.

John wanted to have our first child between our 27th birthdays... so to put dates on that, 12/12/12 (yeah, that one is going to get massively celebrated) and 6/22/2013.  I wanted to have a baby during the spring.  So we were thinking like, April or May.  The thing is, pushing this back 4 months (which is about how much time we expect to be set back) puts us in a spot where we don't want to be: due between late August and late September.  Why?

My best friend's wedding date is 9/14/2013.

So this would make me one of three things on her wedding day:
1. Full-term pregnant.  Huge.  Waddling.  Unable to stand up for long periods of time.
2. Immediately post-partum, possibly unable to attend.
3. In labor.  Definitely unable to attend.

I really don't want any of these.  I want to be able to go to Nikki's wedding, stand up as a bridesmaid (emphasis on stand!) and not worry about leaking amniotic fluid. I want to be able to give a reasonable estimate about my size when I'm ordering my dress.  I want to be able to dance, without running out of energy, worrying about kick-starting labor, or wondering if this will make me start bleeding again.

Yes, I know I'm thinking about this years in advance.  And I know that just because I wanted to start trying to have a baby at a certain time doesn't mean I'd be able to.  But here's the thing for me: I'm the worrier in our family.  I worry about things, John tells me to calm down, nothing will come of it.  He's the one saying that everything will need to be pushed back... it's not just me freaking out.  I'm just unhappy about how far back this is being pushed.

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